Freed To Feel
Some days are harder than others.
If you had told me when I was in kindergarten that I would be going to Nepal in 23 years, I probably would have asked you to play blocks with me or help me finish my finger painting.
If you had told me when I was in high school that in about 10 years I would be following Jesus and wanting to tell people about Him all over the world. I would probably tell you that God was a made up construct to keep the masses in check, and that Christianity is fake. I’d probably also use some profanity too, because that’s cool when you’re a teenager and don’t know how to express yourself.
I had dreams of becoming an astronaut at one point. Maybe even a firefighter or a veterinarian. Mostly because I wanted to get away from people and still love something that could love me back unconditionally, and… I was a pyro.
One thing that is true about people is that people hurt people. Intentionally or unintentionally, it happens. We build walls to protect ourselves- layer after layer- and over time those walls become a tomb and we no longer feel or care about other people. We’ve essentially killed ourselves by trying to protect ourselves from feeling pain.
The funny thing about pain is that it’s actually a catalyst for growth. If you feel like you haven’t grown in a while, maybe you haven’t experienced pain for some time. Maybe you can take some of your walls down and begin to trust again. Maybe you can even obliterate your walls and let someone in to wake up the sleeping beauty that has laid dormant for too long. That someone is Jesus. He is the only one who can crumble the walls of hatred and regret. He is the only one worthy of your full trust and confidence. He is the only one that can make you feel again.
I know this because I was encased in my own tomb not too long ago. I couldn’t feel. I had been hurt too much to even be willing to try and trust another person again. But God is quite different than a person. He knows me inside and out and He has always loved me. He has always loved you. “For God so loved the world…yada yada yada. No, it’s actually true! He didn’t love you because you said “yes” to Him. He loves you because that’s who He is. You can’t earn it, I can’t earn it, no one can earn His love. But we can embrace it! We can believe it! And when we do, His Peace floods into our lives. His kiss of unconditional love wakes us up from our self-made catacombs.
Then the question is, “what do we do now that we’re awake?”. Like any good lover, He communicates, He leads, He guides- He lets us dance with Him. To put His love on display. The life we now live is His and He has called us to love Him back with the love He gives us; and to love the one in front of us the way He has loved us. Whether that’s the guy buying groceries, the mom herding the four cats that are her children, or the one in the mirror. Love looks like something for each one.
Some days are harder than others, but it’s His unconditional love that keeps me going. It’s His unconditional love that drives me to give grace, mercy, acceptance, and love to those who hurt me and those who love me. The reality is, those people are one in the same.
It’s good to feel- pain included.
“I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands.”- Ezekiel 36:26 (MSG)
